And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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