Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
