she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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