I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
