Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
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the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
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This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize