so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
50% drunk capacity currently
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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