oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
