so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
worst night to have a conscience
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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