Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
