We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize