I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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