Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
