Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
