So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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