apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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