I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
