Is it normal to miss your booty call?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
