the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Randomize
