I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
