Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
from now on my penis is your penis
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
