Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
