I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
