So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
