god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
