cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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