All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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