I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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