areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
