no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize