Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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