Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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