I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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