I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
