i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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