my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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