do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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