Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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