Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
