I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
