How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
