Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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