My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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