I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
