It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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