I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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