Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
