I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
