There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
