One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
