you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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