We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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