Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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