She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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