The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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