Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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