New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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