these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
