He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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