Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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